05 October 2014

Writing Over Weekend – Chapter of that book...

When you are down ,you can't smile just frown,
when you want a listening ear,someone to drive away your fear,
when you want to uplift your mood ,you go to your best friend who makes sure you won't brood...

However,in my case, I go for Books!

I don't believe in "Best friend forever" concept per se .But honestly,if you ask my many friends they will tell you that I am their "Go to" best friend but for me not vice versa .All those (handfuls) I dared to trust all betrayed/changed for (my)good .As they say," Some people come into your life as blessings and some as lessons."So,I had my fair share of lessons.However,I am proud that I tried my level best to be blessings instead but then I ain't perfect ,just a human being with limits.

I had someone who considered me as her twin sister cum soul mate because I was there for her when no one wanted to befriend her (Yeah, I 've this nature of being there especially for them who are ignored,mocked,cornered,avoided by everyone (Thanks to my upbringing) ) and to cut the long story short,I was there for her through thick and thins always every day(she had problem with everyone and everything & I always wanted to show her the sunny side and make her viewpoint positive and better ), you name it, any situations until lately when I was going through a tough phase in life myself  and I had a breakdown and opened up to her.

Though initially she tried to console me ,eventually she tried to pretend as if she didn't hear or didn't wanted to hear because for her that meant I would be unavailable to hear HER issues as always and guide her to solve them as well.Nothing intentional,but my circumstances didn't allow me to continue that as I was engulfed with my own problems .This created a distance between us and our friendship did fell apart.I realized she didn't believe that friendship means being there for each other whatsoever & not just for themselves .

It's during your tough times you realize who your true friends are.She was even jealous when she felt I was doing better or having a good time which she can't.All these things made me say enough is enough ,I am outta service-"404 -This person is temporarily unavailable".However, when I am close to someone it's difficult for me to be not friendly with them anymore no matter what .She changed ,she became more formal.Me too but I struggled.

Likewise,I realized, people whom I call "Friends" (Most of'em) were only friendly when you appeared happy ,funny , relaxed  & available TO THEM.The moment you are going through a bad phase & you share with them sometimes knowingly thinking a positive word from them would ease your pain & sometimes unknowingly and the longer it takes you to recover from it ,they shun you in the mid way until you forget everything happening in your life and bounce back for them atleast.

Some would offer their precious free advise , to be happy and cheerful always and then Some are happy that you've those problems and they remind you what you lack and then there are some who can't believe you appear so strong ,happy and carefree in spite of such big problems you are going through and then they joke you,poke you,prick the wound in and out .

What ever is the case, they expect you to keep your mouth shut/keep your probs with yourself,be friendly meaning be there FOR THEM whatsoever,take any sarcastic hurting comments or behavior as fun ,otherwise you are immature,uneducated,severely depressed,friggin attitude,oh-you-have-changed-so-much kind,over-reacting,don't-know-to-take-things-lightly type zombie...

I believe in Karma,I don't but some do forget,"As you sow,so shall you reap!" 

Call me self-boasting,but truth be told,I love being friendly with everyone regardless they are popular or totally ignored type,rich ,poor,superior,inferior,high caste or low caste,same or different religion,by looks,color etc (unless they've a belittling other attitude).I only see the other person as a human being made by God.I try my best to respect them , cherish them and be there for them.I just trust them and even become over friendly within no time .As the saying ,"When you give importance to people, they think that you are always free,BUT they don't understand that you make yourself available for them everytime."

However,I've a very bad quality which I am working on it -"EXPECTATION".They say,"Don't expect anything from others and you'll be happy ".But I DO.When I can go to any extent to treat someone fair and good ,praise them,celebrate them and be there as best as I can as much as I can, I expect the same in return which I must say I always get disappointed there and then I shrink myself and become totally reclusive.

Since my parents ,hubby would always advise me to ignore it most of the time ,be forgiving.You can't please everyone,you have to accept it ,expect less and get along ,somehow that's how the world is.Eventually,it would make me think twice and make me at times feel guilty and worried that if it continues to happen like this I will lose all the trust on people  and I may not be friendly anymore.Gosh,I am doing all wrong.

Needless to say,all this put me in a confused ,perplexed ,restless state of mind .

As I said early ,to refresh and renew my perspective, I don't go to any person anymore instead I go to BOOKS.

Sometimes I open a Bhagawad Gita(Holy book of Hindu's),sometimes I open a Bible and sometimes any of the inspirational books I possess.Then I close my eyes and open a page and then whatever I read I believe is like a "Conversation with the God". It's like God showing me the ray of hope in the dark tunnel,like stars in the dark night,dawn after dusk,an overall attitude transformation or enlightenment.

Likewise,I opened my favorite book by "Joel Osteen"-"You can,You will"(Which I am still reading it).(Joel Osteen is a renowned American pastor and a preacher /a motivational speaker as well).Whenevr I look at his face in TV or Youtube videos ,it is like Jesus speaking to me (though I am not a  Christian).His words are angelic and magical with a miraculous impression on any one's heart.

This time I didn't close my eyes,I just opened a page of this book and my eyes and lips widened with glee ,I saw my answers to my doubts finally.It said --(The exact statements from the book)

⦁ Are you doing too much for other people and not enough for yourself?Are you so good hearted that you're sacrificing your happiness to keep everyone else around you happy?Understand this:Your first priority is to keep yourself happy.

If you are giving all the time and not receiving anything in return,then you need to examine your relationships.They are out of balance.You shouldn't have to constantly meet the demands and needs of your friends out of fear of rejections.You should be able to tell them no without feeling guilty.
If they give you cold shoulder and won't speak to you,then they're not really friends,they are Manipulators.The sooner you make the change,the better off you'll be.

You have a destiny to fulfill.Be bold,take charge of your life and pursue the dreams God has placed in your heart.

⦁ I don't mind being good to people,but I DO mind being used.Quit letting others pressure you into being something that you are not.I'd rather please God and have some people upset with me than please people and have God upset with me.
⦁ Fly with those who lift you up and thrust you forward.
⦁ Be kind ,be compassionate but run your own race.Remember ,you don't need people's approval ,you have God's approval.
⦁As long as you are doing what God has put in your heart,you don't need to look to the left or the right.
⦁Stay focused on your goals and God will get you where you're supposed to be.

So, that CHAPTER OF THAT BOOK,"Don't play the puppet and take control of your happiness" was like  clouds clearing up from the sky turning bright ,blue and beautiful.I got all the answers I was seeking for,all my doubts cleared,all my guilty feelings just vanished for good.Not to mention,I am enlightened,I am friendly as always but not blind,deaf or dumb anymore , in fact very careful now and the points imprinted on my mind are -

⦁“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.” ― Maya Angelou
⦁When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you.
⦁ Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.
⦁You can't change how people treat you or what they say about you.All you can do is change how to react to it.You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.
⦁ “That's what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you're not so lovable.” 
⦁ There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't jump a puddle for you.
⦁ Evaluate the people in your life -then promote,demote, or terminate .You're the CEO of your life.
⦁ When God is with you, who can be against you.You are not alone,you are in the best company !
⦁ Be kind ,be compassionate but run your own race.Remember ,you don't need people's approval ,you have God's approval.

Well,as Ralph Waldo Emerson said,"Some books leave us free and some books make us free."

Indeed,“We loose ourselves in books, we find ourselves there too.”

P.S. :This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

UPDATE:Blogadda gave me a WOW Badge.yayyyy...