This is that lady's prayer who belonged to the 1950's era.This is that lady's prayer who got married at the tender age of 17.This is that lady's prayer who couldn't continue or complete her education properly because she was the oldest girl child of the family ,among her six siblings and she was the prettiest yet wise-st belonging to a well-respected family, which made her the most sought after girl of the town .This is that lady's prayer who left her parents to be with her life partner to a distant and totally new place ,where she could hardly express herself to others because of the language barrier. She learned it gradually and was well liked by all.
She was mostly confined to the four walls of a home/company quarter, with a few amenities and she adjusted well to whatever her husband's Government job (SAIL)offered. This is that lady's prayer who lost her first baby at the age of 18 because of some unknown reason but she withstood that and successfully gave birth to two others - a boy then after a long gap to a girl .That girl is me and that lady is of course my beloved mother/amma/mom !
My mother/amma is a very happy,hard working ,proud homemaker .I am extremely proud of it ! I wouldn't have been more prouder, if she was a working mom I think.Even though ,she couldn't complete her education properly,she was the one who taught me Mathematics till I was in standard 7.Not only just me,our neighbor and my friend, whose mother was in fact a working person,during holidays ,used to stay at my home until her parents would be back from office and my mother used to teach her too at her mom's request ,meantime, for free .I can still remember "Cost price" ,"Selling price" maths problems ringing in my ears . If she would have got an opportunity to work,she would have been a top notch working professional for sure.But ,Thank God, she wasn't !!
I have so may wonderful memories because she was personally present to make every moment so memorable for all of us.Waking up early to cook breakfast for all of us and me and my bro being cursed with different tastes,likes and dislikes ,she would not mind catering to everyone's needs and wants.Her simple ways to highlight the importance of every vegetable and how nutritious they were every now and then .She made sure that we don't necessarily have to go to any restaurant by making lip smacking dishes at home from time to time.
After school,I used to look forward to go back to home because I knew my mother was waiting for me with open arms and lovely smile.Thereafter, enjoying a hearty lunch (which at times she would herself feed me - tasted heaven ) by watching some serials aired in DD1 channel like Buniyaad,Palaash ke phool,Kajari,Swabhimaan etc etc with amma beside me or taking afternoon naps with her,she would read stories to us...She used to make sure we did our homework well.
On Sundays ,we were suppose to wake up early and study ,then only we were allowed to watch the He-man shows,Mahabharta or the Jungle Book etc etc..On Sundays, the menu used to be extra special like chana bhatura ,chicken specials or masala dosa which mom would share with our neighbors too,who were a big fan of ,with her ever popular sambar and chutneys.Every weekend, for sure, we used to visit our friends and family nearby.Every summer we would travel to Kerala to visit my grandparents and other relatives.
I don't remember her falling sick or lying down for long.Not a day ,she took cooking for granted .Our store-room/pantry was always filled with huge tins; full of snacks which we, especially me, would finish it like a snap.However ,she would always hide a portion of it for any surprise-surprise guests at home . Never saw a guest leave home without being served a fresh cup of tea and some snacks for sure. Every festival was celebrated well.
When I was throwing my (only) tantrum for not buying me that huge teddy bear,she would herself make me dolls ,sewing dresses for them in her Usha sewing machine.Since, she took some tailoring classes,she always made me new dresses every now and then.Every summer she would start knitting a sweater for me,bhaiya/bro or my father ,which would be ready by winter to wear.I don't know how did she get time to manage all these so well.But she did ,sincerely ,happily without any complains .
We never celebrated birthdays like my friends with cakes,candles and party.It used to be a low key celebration of going to temple,amma making our favorite food item and a payasam/dessert for sure and then distributing it among near and dear ones.Gifts were mostly blessings ,long kisses,hugs than any material gifts.
I remember every decisions ,especially financial ones were well discussed between my parents.Mom's wisdom or words mattered and my father till now, would take a pride reminding us,"Though I earned money,it was certainly your mother's guidance that made the safe ,sound and the best decision ever."
I loved the way my parents ,not only took care of us without a second thought, but also the way, they took care of each other in every little way .I love the way my amma would not call my paa by his name, out of deep respect and my paa still calls her "Penne" meaning "Girl ":)) ..Pure love !! My parents are die hard romantic !! That doesn't mean they never ever fought,they did but they would resolve it as soon as possible and that just made their relationship more stronger and going !! Today,after my marriage ,their married life inspires me,guides me,leads me to live a simple life filled with love ,respect and memories...
My amma would always tell me that,even if you lose 5 paisa ( like Cents),you should feel the pain ,so that you'll always value money .Hard work brings money to a family and lots of adjustments makes sure that it stays and are there for the right use and right time .
So,we traveled less to far off or new places but we visited our near and dear ones often,parks,movie theaters,fairs ,picnics ,temples,other cultural programs etc .We never complained because our parents were always there for us,trying their best....Quality time = Quality moments !
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| We always appreciate it maa... |
We always had whatever we need,than,whatever we want, but then we were good kids ,we were content with whatever mom and dad would buy for us except that huuuge teddy that paa couldn't buy for me ,even though they could somehow afford it,amma would never encourage it .My paa regrets it till now but I don't-it was my biggest wish but certainly not a must to buy :).
I feel proud to be born and brought up with a middle class background ,that I believe ,instilled in me the true value of love,relationships,money, simplicity and contentment......
Since paa was the second oldest son of his family and his elder brother cared less of his parents-siblings,he was the one who used to send money for his old mother in Kerala and the one ,who got married off his two sisters later on properly.So,amma and paa adjusted,sacrificed a lot .They hardly shopped anything for themselves.The costliest dresses ,watches, etc they owned were gifted by my uncles/amma's brothers from abroad.My amma never hired a maid (till today even though she is old with health issues) even though paa would have afforded it somehow.
My parents did their best to give us the best education and a lifestyle ,pampered with immense love and their presence.Eventually, paa reached a commendable position at work and because of their simple life ,they build us(me & bro) a new two-storey home in our native place ,got me and my bro married to good individuals and by God's grace, we are doing well ,happy with what we have.
My mother, since she couldn't complete her education well,always inspired me to study well ,get a job ,get married,have children and do your best to take care of them . Be happy and grateful always.Count your blessings always than your troubles.She never insisted me to become a housewife but she always said whatever you choose in life to be ,it shouldn't be at your family's expense.
I never wished to be a homemaker either, because I wanted to get a job and fulfill my parents wishes too,give them something in return and I did my bit ....but then somewhere, I dreamed of becoming just like my mom .I looked upon her always.I knew I will be content and glad even if I would be a mere homemaker or become one, someday ,eventually.
After landing in US,came to know the struggles to get a job here because of the strict laws, but with my hubby's motivation and my perseverance ,finally got work visa and a job into IT/Information Technology, and worked in many reputed companies like Microsoft etc etc.I loved my work and it paid quite well .
However ,IT is IT;at times very stressful .When couples are in IT,it takes a toll on everything somehow and it did to us too.I became ill,severely ill that I just quit my job for good - to take care of myself and most importantly my husband's.However,I never regretted that decision.In fact ,a few of my friends, regretted the most I believe. It's been a while now ,and a few would always ask me ,"why don't you go back to work?"/ "When are you going back to work ?" .
As if, I am living at their expense or they are my local guardian, who should remind this kiddo, what to do and what not to do .The ones who remind me ,"Gosh ,I don't know how you do it ,I didn't study to sit at home simply" / "I don't want to make rotis all my life" / "So boring to be at home always".Then there are a few who would make me feel as if I am committing a huge sin by being a homemaker by saying ,"I love to be financially independent" and/or "I want to travel the world not just sit at home." In short, being a homemaker is such a waste - a HUGE mistake !
Then there are a few men/women who will be like ,"What do you do ?"..When I reply,"I am a homemaker right now".Then ,they give me a judgmental look , as if I uttered mere nonsense like ,"Oh right ! potato couch at home in front of the TV and doing nothing or enjoying life at husband's earnings."
Ohh and don't ask me if you don't have kids yet ,even if you say you are undergoing some treatment for the same,some take it as a lame excuse and some like ,as if we are fishing for some damn sympathy ---It becomes a scandal !
Since ,I know the best and worst of both the world,please give me a break ,you shallow minded people (like above ones) ! Will you?
LISTEN :
Now,if you are done with your superiority complex,belittling attitude,judge+mental actions /questions ,let me tell you loud and clear,you made my beliefs ,values and my attitudes more stronger.Listen,I LOVE BEING A HOMEMAKER.
If you can comprehend with your bully mind,soak this,suck it up ; Being a housewife/a homemaker is a noble work that requires lots of love,time,patience,presence,integrity,faithfulness,thoughtfulness,compromises .It is a duty,a selfless responsibility to not only take care of us but also of others who matters. It is the most challenging one yet the most rewarding and satisfying.An act of pure love and selflessness !!
If you can comprehend with your bully mind,soak this,suck it up ; Being a housewife/a homemaker is a noble work that requires lots of love,time,patience,presence,integrity,faithfulness,thoughtfulness,compromises .It is a duty,a selfless responsibility to not only take care of us but also of others who matters. It is the most challenging one yet the most rewarding and satisfying.An act of pure love and selflessness !!
When I was working,we (I & my hubby ) used to either eat out or I would prepare a batch of food on weekends and we would eat everyday as I would hardly get time to cook after work .We spent just time together not any quality time .We became grumpy,sluggish and unhealthy day by day. I knew it was time to take a break and my illness, came as the apt excuse to do so.I realized in a hard way,health is wealth indeed.I can't compromise on my health ,let alone on my better half's.
So,it's been a journey since then to get my health on track ...and I LOVE this journey...nothing matters to me than taking care of my family the most,preparing fresh,healthy meals for them, making a house a real home ,a safe haven of peace,happiness,fun,laughter ,time well spent and making many small memories by being in it completely, without any ifs and buts...Though by God's grace I've my own savings left,I am also a part time freelancer- just for the love of writing or trying not to lose touch with my job basics.
However,I am still in a way, dependent on my husband in every way.I don't mind and neither does he.I feel it keeps me grounded in that way and my man is certainly my king/the patriarch ,I don't mind making him feel so.Even while I was working,I never liked to buy anything without consulting him mostly.It increases the mutual love and respect I believe.
Well, I believe ,marriage is all about mutual interdependence !!
To the people/women/men, who flaunt, how financially independent they are ,even after marriage especially at a homemaker's/jobless person' expense ;Flaunt-errs,not all are money minded/gold-diggers,money is not everything.Secondly,what if your partner loses/quits his job for any reason,will you not support him ,should you be in a very good mood to fulfill their wish,will that be a favor or will you just leave him ?? You won't right!-I believe, you will step forward and won't mind to do anything for them if you truly love him !Now,picture this vice versa !
To the ones, who want to work after marriage singing or shouting this slogan,"I just want to be independent,do my own things ,take care of it myself without depending on any man" ...I don't understand why did you marry in the first place ? I bet,if your marriage breaks for any reason,you will be the first one to walk away without trying to give it a second chance because eventually what will matter to you will be your independence .
To those spouses, who question their partner at home,"What do you do all day?" .
Answer:She or he is doing what you are not doing inside your home that matters ,the way you are doing outside of your home; for your family, I believe .Help her dude or appreciate her and her efforts once in a while ,at least - A home is made together -- equally !!
To those men, who insist to marry a working woman or a woman who will work in future,please keep your enthusiasm steady, when your wife is promoted to a higher position than you and earns more .
We are living in this ultra modern society, where it is easy to get a job (read:escape) somehow (women especially) than being at home exclusively for the people who matters the most .
Having said that,I don't have problem, whether a woman chooses to work or not work,or who contributes the most to their family or who is the best and the worst, but, I do have the problem with those bullies and trolls in society who judge a woman and makes her feel to be ashamed of being a homemaker ,as if her existence is a big mistake or she is dumb and invisible.Somewhere ,their hi-fi education,profession,qualification screwed their beliefs and values,they get pleasure or flaunt at someone's expense whatsoever.
In my case,I know for sure ,I was inspired to follow my dream - a little dream hidden somewhere,to be just like my mom, a proud,happy homemaker . I guess,there is a reason why we are exclusively called "Homemakers" ;).Thank God my mother gave me the apt values ,survival instincts to live by (unlike the above people). It makes me feel extremely happy to take care of my family and home than being a corporate slave.
Here, I make my own schedule,work for the people I love the most.I get ample time to enrich myself by learning so many new things,stay up-to-date with what's going on in the world, and even freelancing/work from home when I wish(though it doesn't pay much).It doesn't make me in any way ,less ambitious,less intelligent,unproductive or knowledge-less . Yes,I am not a millionaire yet.
More than money and freedom, I want my family's well being, let alone mine .I chose to take care of my home ,myself,my family ! I am proud of it!
Dear society ,
Please don't poke your nose in someone's affair and mind your own business.A woman may choose to work or not work.It is her choice .Let her do what she believes in,what makes her ultimately happy not what you think she should be doing.If you want to advise her ; just support her choice of happiness without making her feel guilty,stupid,invisible,selfish ,gold-digger or useless .
Whatever she chooses to do,there will be a reason behind that ,only she knows ,respect that - a woman may work because she wants to contribute to her family financially, or to support herself or simply because she loves to just work ,likewise, a woman may not at all work ever or quit working because she is family oriented or has some other priorities in life .So,I request you to be kind,judge less,accept more,value everyone equally and let them do whatever they are doing to their best especially for their family.
Live and let live !
Dear working women,
Congrats for the job and walking hand-in-hand/shoulder-to-shoulder with men.Go for the stars.Do whatever you wish to, but please don't flaunt it at a homemaker's or any jobless person's expense.Support and empower (genuinely not just sympathize) your sista/bro/man !
Dear Homemaker (the ones who literally takes care of the home and family),
Be proud of being one and don't seek anyone's approval to be ...Enjoy this privilege ,it takes a lot of courage ,strength ,selflessness,love ,patience and self-motivation to stay at home and taking care of the family .Make your frustration, if any, into a motivation to self ,as well as to others.Be you,make optimum use of any time you get ,take care of yourself too and live life to the best - You and your family deserves it !!
You are shakthi ,just like the Hindu Goddess ,Durga .There is a reason why she has so many hands :).
This post is dedicated to my parents for raising and guiding me well to adjust aptly to whatever life throws at me ,with enough strength and without any guilt or complains,there is so much to look forward to and to follow my dreams.....well,best is yet to come !
This post is also dedicated to my future daughter and son.By the time my daughter is married,hope "Homemaking" will not be an outdated term ,"Housewife",an extinct species and even if it is ,hope this post will give her a reminder;if she has to ever , she will not hesitate to be a homemaker and she'll respect everyone, especially women ,regardless.Likewise my son,if he marries a girl who prefers to be a housewife,to be a man enough to support her wholeheartedly.
Dekh le,aakhon main aakhen daal,Seekh Le
Har pal main jeena yaar,Soch Le
Jeevan ke pal hain char,Yaad Rakh
Marna hai ek baar,Marne se pahle jeena
Seekh Le.............(Munna Bhai M.B.B.S : Songs Lyrics)
No dream is smaller....Keep on dreaming ...stay inspired to make them come true..
P.S.This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.
Another perk of being a homemaker -- your weekend is always extended .... ;)
